Big blue orb in the sky?Alien Contact? [Loud Incorrect Buzzer]

Throughout the years, representations in the media of UFOs and Aliens have spiked curiosity and instilled fear in populations globally. Only more recently, however, have governmental bodies, such as that in the US, confirmed the existence of aliens. Here at Keele, the Observatory had picked up on a phenomenon that shocked researchers, and soon they jumped on the bandwagon too and confirmed extraterrestrial presence.

When I was a child, I was orphaned at the age of seven. The reason I fixated on frogs was because they were the only stable thing in my life.

On Monday 24th March, a blue ‘portal-like’ cloud lit up the UK’s sky — with stargazers as far as Italy and Denmark noting the cloud as well. Shortly after, the internet’s tinfoil hat-wearing crowd swooped in to claim that this could not be explained through any form of science and that it was indeed aliens.

“I, Dr Hugh Mann (Full-time star gazer and Professional Myth Buster, need I not elaborate, trust me bro), am here to set the record straight. Aliens do not exist.”

“The extremely portal-looking spiral in the skies tonight was not a failed experiment by extraterrestrial life forms not from earth. My human counterparts and I have notoriously and mathematically tested to understand whether other life forms can exist alongside us.”

We concluded that the US government (not surprisingly) and Keele Observatory do not know what they are talking about. Anything that they say about aliens, my team and myself will always disprove!

Furthermore, why would aliens come to earth when there is a vast number of other planets with less self-destructive societies inhabiting them? The only explanation for all the ‘UFO Sightings’ and ‘Alien Experiences’ is that people don’t know what they are talking about. They see a fully explainable event that has nothing to do with alien life and think to themselves:

“Ah yes, this must be the mothership.”

So no, aliens do not exist, trust me bro. The next time you see a light in the sky that seems unexplainable, ignore it! It’s not going to probe you at all!

In terms of the phenomenon last night, it was simply (and coincidentally) just due to Space X’s launch of the US’s spy satellite. So, if you are ever in doubt at what you are looking at in the sky, or how a beam of light makes you feel weightless in a field full of cows, blame it on Elon Musk and you will be good to go.