Our team were contacted last week by the president and ringleader of Keele’s official secret society, to inform us of their postponing their grand reveal.
“The traps are set, influence is secured, now we must wait for the perfect time to make ourselves known,”
— Theo White (3rd Year Computer Science)
He emphasised that he and his cabal of anonymous students have put years into their preparations for going public, and that the time is not yet ripe for phase two.
“We’ve been influencing Union elections, paying off lecturers, even bribing security to allow us to operate in the basement of the Walter Moberly building, where we have built a nefarious shrine to our dark lord Baphomet. Alas, the time is not right, so we shall keep to the shadows for now.”
Our reporters met with the clandestine group over a disappointing danish pastry in an anonymous location within Chapters Cafe, where the societies’ plans were outlined.
“We have a mole in the committee of the Taylor Swift Society, consolidating their grip on power as we speak. Soon we will have an agent in a position of power everywhere on campus. Really, the only thing that could stop us now is if some idiot reveals us to the world before our plans are expedited.”
⚠️ Update
As an addendum to the previous article, the Shallot would like to express our sincere condolences for the author, who disappeared two weeks ago. He has since been replaced by a trustworthy and pious servant of the dark lord.
