In a bold move to improve youth engagement, government officials have announced a new initiative requiring the immediate creation of more Gen Z-hosted podcasts. The new policy, aimed at boosting cultural discourse among young people, mandates that every new podcast must feature a twink with a moustache, a girl with an effortlessly cool fashion sense, and at least three unnecessary references to Aphex Twin and/or Wendy Williams per episode.
“Frankly, we’ve noticed a worrying shortage of vaguely intellectual, casually chaotic conversations between two best friends who claim they ‘didn’t even prepare’ for the episode,” said Culture Secretary Oliver Reynolds.
“Young people need more platforms where they can misquote philosophy, analyse the cultural impact of Fleabag for the hundredth time, and tell deeply personal stories that probably shouldn’t be public.”
The initiative has sparked both enthusiasm and criticism within the podcasting community. Many Gen Z creators support the policy, arguing that there is always room for yet another show where two people with near-identical music tastes sit in a dimly lit bedroom and talk about how “society is actually so insane right now.”
However, with the likes of Emergency Intercom, Cocteau Twinks, and Pop Off currently dominating niche pop culture, some industry experts warn of an oversaturation crisis, with fears that the market is already flooded with introspective, slightly pretentious conversations about nothing.
“If every podcast follows the same formula—one charismatic gay, one effortlessly witty girl, and at least one episode titled ‘Capitalism is Literally Killing Us’—we may reach critical mass,” said Dr. Helen Carter, a media analyst.
“At some point, we have to ask: are there even enough niche subcultures left to analyse?”
Despite concerns, the government has assured the public that diversity remains a top priority. To avoid redundancy, new podcast hosts must provide a unique selling point, such as:
Only recording episodes from a parked car.
Never preparing any notes but still confidently explaining complex geopolitical issues.
Basing their entire brand around a niche 2000s pop culture figure, like Lindsay Lohan mugshots or Skins (UK).
A mandatory discussion about mental health that seamlessly transitions into a debate about which Miu Miu ballet flats are the best.
Under the proposed policy, funding will be allocated to ensure that every podcast is equipped with at least one episode about growing up in a small town, a slightly problematic guest who no one calls out, and a discussion about how insane 2014 Tumblr was—despite the hosts being barely old enough to remember it.
At press time, a government spokesperson reassured the public that while this new wave of Gen Z podcasts may seem redundant, they remain a vital form of self-expression.
Some critics may ask, ‘Do we actually need another podcast where two people just ramble about the same topics but in a different way just because it’s their take on pop culture for an hour?’
“To that, we say: Absolutely.”
